Creating Supportive Environments for ADHD: It Starts With Us

My son is six, and he has ADHD. Over the Easter holidays I thought I'd treat him to a quad biking experience. By the time we had finally gotten out of the house (no small feat), we excitedly made the journey to the centre. Now, the instructor didn't seem to particularly like children which was not a great start, but he also did not know how to engage my little boy. There were several kids there including another boy the same size as my lad. The instructor gave them a brief overview and had them doing laps around the little arena. The other little boy was great, followed the instructions, whizzed about and the instructor soon had him on top speed and set various challenges for him. He was whooping and cheering as the little boy kept beating his personal best, and the boy grinned from ear to ear.

Now, my little lad whilst the same size was probably a few years younger. Granted I am biased, but he's just the most amazing kid you could meet. He's so kind and lovely, inventive and inquisitive and he has boundless levels of enthusiasm. But, he's also very hyperactive and finds it very very difficult to focus. He really struggled to follow the instructions he was given, and kept taking one hand off the handlebars or going to move his feet from the bike. Instead of encouraging him, the instructor was short. So for 45 minutes I sat and watched my wonderful little boy get berated "do it again and I'll take you off the activity" the instructor told him, rolled his eyes at him and constantly looked exasperated. My boy rode around at the slowest speed looking glum, bored out of his mind, and completely defeated.

This was such an important lesson for me. I started thinking about all the times in a day my boy gets corrected, dismissed, told to be quiet etc etc. "Put your shoes on love... love - shoes... shoes... SHOES". This happens all day at home, at school, and seemingly even when he is supposed to be having fun.

The adults and children I see in my practice often have extremely low confidence. It's no surprise really, when they've had a lifetime of chastisement, just like my son. They also describe an extreme sensitivity to perceived rejection or criticism- rejection sensitivity dysphoria, or RSD. I describe this as an extreme emotional response to minor slights. Imagine you text a friend and they don't respond- the majority of people can let this go. For someone with RSD, an endless lists of possible things they have done wrong flashes before them, and they carry a gloomy horrible feeling all day- an emotional bruise so to speak. They're logical brain will tell them everything is ok, but they're emotions are just running away with them. These individuals are at risk of developing poor confidence and self worth, anxiety and depression, and becoming isolated from loved ones in order to avoid this horrible feeling. They pass up opportunities at work and socially, and they become absolute people pleasers- taking on the world for everyone else just to avoid the slightest hint of criticism.

The onus is so often down to the individual with ADHD to understand and address these emotional issues. As a parent, I have a responsibility to call out the behaviours my son is subjected to. As a professional, I am passionate about working with organisations to help foster positive, constructive cultures so that everyone can thrive. So next time you're exasperated by a colleague or a friend, please remember this little tale and treat them with kindness.

Dr H. Hearfield.